


Le Soleil

by pidgeon_holt



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: LGBT+, Poems, Poetry, for some reason they are very sun based, guys please i put effort into these, hi this is just my book of poems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pidgeon_holt/pseuds/pidgeon_holt
Summary: The sun shines brightly over Poet as they type away with no concern, writing and flowing their river of thoughts into a stream that is vaguely comprehensible to the untrained ear. Eager ears reach out, desperate to hear what Poet has to say, what their thoughts could be conveying.Eager ears reach out and are greeted with a beautiful silence that is art.





	1. You Are My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my (sort of narrative, if you reach) book of poems!! i am an aspiring poet and i wanted to share my work with the world!!

The sun runs through the trees  
A young child excited to play

But we try to quiet her  
Tell her that we’re too busy  
to play

She’s bright  
Her laughs shines brilliantly  
Her eyes glitter dazzlingly

She brings warmth  
And light  
And goodness to all things

She helps us every day  
And we take her for granted

Because the days that she is hiding  
In her hidden lair made of clouds

The walls dim her beautiful light  
Or extinguish it completely

And we miss her  
So much  
We beg her to come back  
Beg those rainclouds to come back another day

And even if they do leave  
Its inevitable that theyll come back  
Because we begged them to rain another day  
To let us have one more day of sun

So they come back  
And the cycle begins again  
We ask them to leave and they do  
Only to come back later and ruin our day

So we learn to appreciate our sun  
Our precious daughter  
The one who lights up our life  
The one who gives us all we need  
The happiness  
The kindness  
The purity 

 

She is our sunshine  
Please do not take her away


	2. Sun Factory

Raising the sun  
With the power of God  
Seems to be something  
You love for me to do

But then you leave  
You go  
You cry  
And you break

And my power is for naught  
Because I cannot raise the sun for you  
I cannot light up your life

"You're unreliable,"   
You say  
"Rude,  
Heartless,  
Inconsiderate."

I never considered how you felt  
With me being away  
At my sun factory

I harness energy  
I generate sunlight  
I did everything for you

But I wasn't there

I was always away  
Home once in a rainy day  
Home once in a blue moon

I ignored you  
Trying to light up your world

So I sit here  
In my sun factory  
Wondering how I could have  
Done better

The right thing  
For the right reasons  
With the wrong methods

I should have been there  
Should have worked from home  
Or gotten help

But now   
You're gone  
With no hope of return

So I sit here  
In my sun factory  
Crying  
Hoping  
Wishing  
That you'll come back  
That you'll forgive me

So I sit here  
In my sun factory  
Regretting


	3. Spontaneity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poet sits in front of their computer, contemplating what to write. In a brilliant moment of spontaneous inspiration, their fingers begin to tip tap at the keyboard. spontaneity

It's funny really  
How much you still affect me

It's funny really  
That it has been a whole year  
And I still have nightmares about you

You know, sometimes  
I think about you  
I think  
And think  
And think

And Goddamn  
It plagues my mind  
My thoughts  
My dreams  
My nightmares

I can't escape you,  
Can I?

You're everywhere  
Your name is so common  
We still have mutual friends

I can't escape you

It's funny really  
How innocent it seemed at the time  
Two teenagers  
Madly in love  
That wasn't love;  
It was infatuation

I didn't really love you  
Like I thought I did

You were so cool  
And calm  
And collected  
You seemed to know what you were doing

I admired that  
You kept peace  
Stayed out of things  
I wanted to be like that

Sure, when we first met,  
You were awkward  
Sending me messages that  
I was weirded out by

I let you into the group  
I let you become friends with my friends

And then,  
After all of this,  
You steal them all away

You stole every single one of them  
Except the one I held onto for dear life

I still have them to this day

We called all day  
It was nice to hear your voice for  
Hours on end

That day is ingrained in my memory  
Nothing specific  
Just fond memories

Eleven days later  
I told you how I felt  
You said the feelings  
Were requited

We dated

Yeah, we were stupid teenagers  
Living across the country  
But we felt it was real

I abandoned this  
This poem  
This expression of my feelings  
For months

But now, coming back to it  
I remember  
All of our mutual friends are gone  
Save for one

My one saving grace  
The one who managed to see that I   
am decent

You've spread lies  
Utter lies about me  
None of them are true  
Yet they seem to trust you more than me

I don't care  
You've left my dreams  
I haven't thought about you in months  
I'm glad you're gone

This act of spontaneity   
Writing this  
Was cleansing

Spontaneity can be good  
Or bad  
Asking you to be mine was spontaneous  
That turned out to be a mistake

Sure, this doesn't follow typical poem structure  
But it doesn't matter  
You're gone

Goodbye Emmitt


	4. This Ocean that I Wield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poet sits in class, envisioning their thoughts. Times have been tough and they cannot figure out how to make it through. Perhaps this artwork will provide them with a guiding light.

this ocean of my mind

sludges through the dark

as if my very atoms

cannot see what they are doing

 

the ocean of my mind

rages through the dark

as if the moon herself

could not hope to tame

      the waves

 

the ocean of my mind

crashes in the dark

on the shores of my consciousness

silent and Deadly

 

the ocean of my mind 

sits in the dark

still and unmoving

despite the irresistible winds 

 

you cannot hope to still this ocean

it moves of its own accord

 

you cannot hope to move this ocean

it will knock you back

 

you cannot hope to navigate this ocean

it will drown you and swallow you whole

 

you cannot even hope to understand it

 

i cannot even understand it

 

this ocean that i wield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated. sorry this hasnt been updated recently!! ive been going through a lot lately and havent had much time for poetry. 
> 
> -poet


	5. journal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poet begins to lose themself. They cannot make sense of anything, and they are growing scared.

my mind is a journal  
full and untouched  
i have no thought  
for there is nothing to think

nothing to think, yet  
i yearn to  
i yearn to think and explore  
but my journal is locked

its locked with no key  
no key to unlock those mysteries  
mysteries of the world and  
of hell

where am i  
lost in an ocean  
the journal is soaking wet  
its pages indecipherable  
ive lost it

all the possible dreams  
and worlds and stories  
and pictures and thoughts  
gone, lost to the ocean's wrath

i cannot get a new journal


	6. intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a break from being lost, Poet finds themself intimate and loved. They try to capture these feelings on paper.

warm hands and tired eyes

fast hearts and shallow breaths

 

fumbling through the darkness

longing and urging to be closer

 

sloppy movements

static fingers

 

resting after

close together

 

warm hands and tired eyes

slow hearts and deep breaths

 

clothes strewn about the floor

a blanket wrapped loosely

 

hearts beating in tandem

alternating breaths

 

warm hands and tired eyes

loving figures and intertwined fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated and encouraged. thanks !! 
> 
> -poet


	7. murky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poet has been going through a rough time and is losing all sense of self an reality. They try to describe their thoughts.

it's dark and i cannot see

 

it's so dark

 

i feel nothing 

nothing nothing nothing

i feel nothing

it feels gross and sloppy

 

it's like a sludge that i've stepped in

or maybe garbage

it's indiscernible 

 

maybe i should let myself drown

i'm out of the energy to fight back

 

my arms are being grabbed at

i can't pull them away

but whatever is grabbing them

i can't see it

 

"but if you give up now, they'll win!"

 

who cares

let them win

it's not like i've fought

a memorable battle anyway

 

i could barely fight

for years and years on end

i have been unable to fight back 

 

this sludge has had me in it's grasp for 4 years  
but it didn't come around 4 years ago

i used to be free  
i used to be in the sunshine  
i used to feel things on my skin

i was happy  
i was free  
but the sludge was always there

it was there in the corner of the   
bright shiny meadow   
in which i resided

watching  
waiting  
wondering

watching me  
waiting for it's chance  
wondering how to strike

then  
one day  
four years ago  
four long, extraneous years ago

it attacked  
it launched out at me  
revealing it's true form to be  
much larger than i had anticipated

it was big, so large and slimy  
gross and sludgy

it enveloped my whole body  
disbanding the illusion  
of the meadow  
in which i resided

the meadow was gone  
and i could not see

i couldn't see anything  
everywhere, everything  
was the sludge

it dragged me down  
into a pool  
of unnameable substances

i've been down here for 4 years  
and oh how i wish to escape

i wish i could see the sun again  
i wish i could smell the flowers  
i wish i could feel the warmth  
i wish i could taste fruit  
i wish i could hear the birds

i wish for a lot of things  
i'd wish for many more  
if my brain wasn't being plagued

the sludge snuck in  
it went through my eyes  
my nose  
my mouth  
my heart

 

any way it could go to get   
to my brain  
and it took hold  
and it's hard to think  
i can't think clearly

i'd wish for many more things   
if the sludge wasn't plaguing my head  
with thoughts of helplessness  
and thoughts of being lost

i am lost  
unable to find my way

i can't see any way out  
nothing can possibly pull me out   
of this mass of black sludge

or so i thought

until a hand broke through  
the hole it made let in sunlight  
it was so bright i shut my eyes

i was blind to this hand and it's effects for years

until one day  
recently

my hand was outstretched  
hoping to grab onto something  
anything to pull myself out

a hand grabbed mine  
and i was still blind

it began to slowly pull me out  
painfully slowly

i'm still not out

but i gradually gained  
my eyesight back

i began to see again

i could see the world i was going into  
and i could see the sludge i was leaving

i saw the sun  
i heard birds

i could use my senses again  
and it was overwhelming

i'm still not out

and i won't be for a while

but he's there

he's here to help me out  
he's got my hand firmly  
he's pulling me out  
inch by inch

his smile warms my heart  
erasing the cold that the sludge had left

the sludge inside of me retreated  
like a bat escapes sunlight  
it was scared

that was new

the sludge was scared  
and i was brave

i could overpower the sludge  
all i needed was a hand,  
support to get me started

and god did he support me  
he held me by my hand  
until he could grab my arm

then he held my arm  
until he could grab my torso

and he pulled me into a strong hug  
and is still pulling me out

but i have him  
and i'm hugging him,  
trying to pull myself out

i'm pressed to his chest  
listening to his heart

inhaling his scent  
of coffee and home

and he reminds me that  
everything is okay

even if it doesn't feel like it now  
everything is going to be okay

i'm still not out,   
but i know that he'll keep pulling me  
until i am

and he'll be there to help me recover  
help me adjust

i'm still not out  
but that's okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, leave kudos and comments please! i accept constructive criticism.
> 
> -pidge

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism is okay, even encouraged!! please leave comments about what you like or what i could improve on. please leave kudos!! itd be nice to know that people are reading my work... -pidge


End file.
